Our Labyrinth: March 2010

Last Saturday we attended our third SpringFest at Indian Creek. This time of year is always always a little more special for me as we found Indian Creek and had our first visit during Palm Sunday. I remember how modern the music was and they gave everyone on the edges of the aisles palm leaves to wave around and everyone was going crazy singing and dancing and lifting their hands to Jesus! I just remember thinking "how cool (and incredibly scary) is this??" To see people so openly showing their love for Jesus -- on their feet, palms to Heaven, made me wonder - what it was about this church that moved these people to worship so passionately?

I remember Gary Kendall's sermon that day and the next several weeks to come. He kept telling us that it didn't matter where we were in our faith journey-- we were welcome there - even if we had questions and doubts - and that was so huge for me. I was really tired of being told that I wasn't good enough to be loved by Him if I wasn't I wanted to be loved and accepted even if I was taking my own sweet time to Jesus. The next thing I remember was Gary's prayer that he walked us through, something like God, I'm sorry and God, THANK YOU. It felt like the levy in my heart and soul was in desperate need of breaking - everything I had ever held in and used it to fight against God and keep him out with - was causing me to bawl my eyes out during church! I signed up for Alpha. I asked questions and found this Christianity very laid back and fun. About 7 months later, in September of 2007, I knelt beside my bed, bowed my head, and asked Jesus into my heart out loud - tears streaming down my face.

Looking back now, this was only the first step in my journey. In 2007 I also got introduced to the Middle School Journey Wednesday night group and have been volunteering with them ever since. In the summer of 2008 we were on break from Middle School Journey and I missed the kids so much Matt asked me if I'd like to lead a small group on Sunday mornings. I started co-leading 8th grade girls with Connor Spriggs and that spring, after a slumber party (and bonfire!) at Dad and Lori's two of our girls, Aubrey and Madelyn, asked Connor and I to baptize them! It still brings tears to my eyes and was just about the most humbling honor you could ever know.

Last fall Matt and Sheila Saunders invited me to join their small group in Gardner on Thursday nights since it's only about 7 miles away. At first I was hesitant because the other members are all married and I didn't want to make it awkward for them or hold them back from discussing marital "issues" because they didn't want to cast me out, but ultimately our group is about raising kids and it has been awesome! I am so happy to have their support and watch my kids play with other kids whose parents pray with us and for us. I am really looking forward to having them as part of our "extended family" as we celebrate holidays and birthdays and have each other to lean on in raising our children in God's love.

I have really been praying a lot lately about being 30 and not truly knowing what I want to be when I "grow up." I've always been a little lost since we lost Mom. For the past 6 weeks or so, I've been going in to church for a couple hours a week to help our youth director, Matt Saunders with some administrative "to-do's" with the youth group, delegating tasks to make Sunday worship happen and have set up group and fan pages on Facebook for the kids to be able to find their friends from church and sign up for the events we host for them. It's also a great place for leaders to communicate with their students and for parents to see what's going on with our program as well. I really feel called to continue finding more and more ways to submerse myself with church and the kids, but have to keep a healthy balance between paid work and volunteer work so the kids and I can survive. But, I will tell you, if God makes it possible for me to come on board with the staff at Indian Creek and to live out my dream of mentoring and working with those kids - you better believe I'll be on my knees for like a week thanking the Lord for what He has done in my life! Not that I don't already thank Him for how blessed the kids and I are for where we are today, of course - haha!

I feel like I've come a long way over the past three years since I separated from James and through the divorce and all the other bad addictions and habits in my life and I am truly ready to completely surrender myself to Jesus Christ and to let Him be my Lord and Savior, and so I've decided to get baptized on April 25th. As much as I love God and know that the Spirit is watching over me, I haven't felt worthy of His LOVE and I know that it is time to truly LOVE myself as much as HE does. And I am going to use my baptism as a public pledge to God that my heart, soul and body are His to do with as He sees fit - and that I know I'm worth it!

I am so excited to see what the future holds for me and the kids as we grow in our church community. Thank you all for your love and support all these years as I have worked to challenge every statement and asked a million questions. I owe it all to you for lifting me up and carrying me and the kids to where we are today. God put you all in my life for a reason and I am truly blessed!

Waiting to go!

Nothing more tantalizing than a gym floor full of eggs!!

When they said "GO!" Collin got really overwhelmed by all the kids. I bent down and asked him if he wanted me to help him pick up candy and he started crying and said "I want Cara!" They are so close...